Are you stuck in the ‘when…then’ trap?

Jun 13, 2016 | Life, Weight Loss

Self-sabotage. Are you familiar with it? 
I bet you are. Even if you don’t know it yet.
It’s that pizza you just ate even though you didn’t really want it that much but you felt you couldn’t be the odd one out ordering at dinner. Or saying yes to hanging out with people you KNOW drain you and leave you feeling crap. Or the secret Friday binging session  for no reason, with food you don’t really love and that leaves you feeling worse than you did to begin with and sets you off onto a spiral of junk food all weekend.
We all do it. For me it used to be mainly around eating, I would binge eat because ‘what was the point – I will always be this fat/ill so I may as well eat crap, because I am crap…’. But people can sabotage anything, relationships and jobs too.

Behavior is said to be self-sabotaging when it creates problems and interferes with long-standing goals.

It is when we basically become our own worst enemy and blow up the very thing we are seeking to create and build.
Now most people are aware of the big areas of self – sabotage. The binge eating, the saying yes to everyone else BUT yourself, the chaotic planning, the crappy people you choose to hang out with. But today I am going to share with you the biggest and most incongruous form I see all the time in clients and in my Flourish community.

When I am……then I will….

And it all starts with a few sentences like this:
When I am thinner then I will buy myself new underwear.
When I have lost 2 stone then I will take my wee girl swimming.
When I have more money then I can afford to eat healthy.
When I am less busy then I will start exercising.
When I have no belly then I will have sex with the lights on.. or at all!
When the kids are older then I will make more time for me.
Get the picture?
When I am….then I  is toxic and a path to a living a powerless life.
Now this is not to negate any of the factors or circumstances – you might not have lots of money to spend on goji berries and coconut oil but that does mean you can eat healthy. Maybe you will have more time when the kids are at school but that doesn’t mean you are currently powerless to make time for yourself. If getting healthy is not on the top of  your priority list right now then that is 100% ok (it really is making changes to our diet and life is hard so only do it when it feel like the right time) but if it’s your number one goal for this year then this could be a trap you are in!


Why is this so important?


If you don’t do it now – you won’t do it then.

I have brought this home to a few clients recently because this pattern of thinking can look and appear really harmless but it can come from self-punishment and shame. And when you have an abundance of shame and blame in your life you won’t make progress. There is no creative force or in those feelings.
So if you are wearing underwear or a pair of jeans that make you feel SHIT when you wear them and look in the mirror and are waiting to buy new ones until you have lost a stone/look more perfect – then in a way you’re punishing yourself.
If you are waiting until your 10 stone and some how stretch mark free before you love your body and walk happily on a beach in a swimming  costume and sarong then you are saying that you are not good enough right now.
If your every waking moment revolves around your kids or your job or both and you’re resentful and burnt out with zero time for yourself then you are saying you are the least important thing.
But you are not a victim.

My own ‘when…then’ story

You see I used to think ‘ when I am 10 stone and a size 10 then I will love my body be super confident and like ones of those annoyingly effortlessly sexy people’.
And you know what else came along with the above statement. I would compare myself with every women I was in a room with, if I judged myself slimmer then yay I win, if I deemed myself less attractive , boooo I lost. I envied everyone’s body but hated mine.  I felt sorry for myself and basically just spent FAR too much time thinking about me. 
Ultimately this habit, this pattern of thinking and form of self-sabotage can make you behave like a self-centred victim. Ouch.
(Well, that’s what it did to me!)
You know what right now I am NOT ten stone and I am not a size ten or your average health coach size BUT I know in the very depth of me that I am powerful. I am super grateful (most of the time) for my body, I think its uniquely beautiful yet my body alone does not define who I am. 

So what do I do!!


You need to intentionally switch it up because if you want to do it then, then you need to start doing it NOW.
  • If you don’t love your body now you won’t do it when you a stone lighter.
  • If you don’t invest some of your money now into your health you won’t do it then.
  • If you don’t find even the smallest time to exercise now you won’t do it when you work less or kids are at school. (5 minutes still counts!)
  • If you don’t invest in you feeling good every day then you won’t magically start doing it when your slimmer richer or whatever.
If you don’t do it now you won’t do it then.
Get practical and start small. Buy some new pants, get a haircut, upgrade your make-up, start writing affirmations on every mirror in your house. Say no to one commitment that drains you. Book in some counselling sessions. Make time for sex, a bath or both!
I love to buy myself seasonal flowers and today in fact, I bought myself 2 new cheap dresses whilst in Cambodia as I recently got rid of a bunch of clothes I bought travelling with me that made me feel crap.

So what one thing do you need to start implementing now? More self-care, more exercise or just less complaining and excuses ???? ?

And if you know your mindset is one toxic place but really want to see some transformation in your body and health then make sure you head over to my Flourish eCourse.

The beliefs that are holding you back (Ep 299)

The beliefs that are holding you back (Ep 299)

In this episode, we are looking at beliefs because as a Nutritionist and Coach, I've worked with loads of people over the years and I spend the majority of my time with clients looking at what actions they can take, what tweaks can we make, what habits can we shift,...


Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *